6 secrets to sexual fulfilment
Sexual fulfilment is something we all strive for, but it can prove elusive. Despite the monthly magazine articles promising top tips to blow each other's minds, achieving true sexual fulfilment is actually quite hard work – but ooohhh, so worth it. So what's the trick? We took a look at the (surprisingly simple) secrets of the sexually satisfied…
1. Sexual compatibility
It sounds obvious, but chemistry and compatibility are crucial to a fulfilling sex life. Fancying each other is a great start, but don't underestimate the importance of wanting the same things with the same kind of regularity. Without compatible sex drives, there's inevitably going to be friction – and not the good kind! But if your sexual desires, fantasies and libidos match up, you're on to a winner.
2. Knowing what turns you on
If you don't know what gets you going, how is anyone else meant to? Spend time getting to know your own body and its desires – whether that's through erotic books, videos, or trying out some toys for a little solo playtime. Understanding your own desires is as hot is at gets, and means you – and you'll never even need a partner once you can be sexually fulfilled all by yourself!
Sometimes you can't help but dive straight in, but if you always jump straight to the main course you could be missing out on some truly mouth-watering appetisers. From time to time, prioritise sensuality over direct sexual stimulation and enjoy all the sensory pleasures of really luxuriating together. You could start by wining and dining on delicious food and a bottle of seductive fizz, take a sultry romantic stroll in nature, or create an atmosphere of beauty and indulgence with flowers, scented candles, or silk pyjamas against satin sheets. Treat yourselves to a candlelit bubble bath, unwind by massaging each other with aromatherapy oils, or simply explore each other's dips and curves with the lightest feather touch of your fingertips.
Once you've cracked understanding your own body and desires, understanding each other's is pretty key to making sure everyone gets what they want and need. The most sexually fulfilled people are those who can communicate explicitly and honestly about what does (and doesn't!) work for them. It might mean fessing up that you really hate that thing your partner does, screaming "MORE!" when they've hit the right button, or asking them if they're up for trying that kinky fantasy you've always dreamed of.
It happens to everyone, but there's really nothing less sexually satisfying than getting stuck in a rut of going through the same, predictable motions over and over again each week. To keep things exciting, mix it up a bit and get experimenting. That doesn't need to mean full on S&M (although it could!) – even the most vanilla of couples can benefit from trying out different positions, locations and games, or bringing some sex toys into the bedroom once in a while. Variety is the spice of life after all, and it's definitely one of the big secrets to sexual fulfilment – especially in long-term relationships!
Likewise, when life gets busy it can be tempting just to schedule sex in your diary for every other Tuesday at 10pm, in order to fit it in around everything else. But spontaneity and keeping each other on your toes really do help to spice things up. Send a filthy text an hour before you're both due home from work, surprise each other with last minute date nights, or just grab your partner there and then while you're slouched on the sofa in front of Netflix.
Author: Sarah Graham